A headstone or grave marker is a permanent tribute — the physical marker that will identify a person's resting place for generations. Choosing one involves decisions about material, design, size, and inscription. Here's what to know before you begin.
Types of Markers
Upright headstones
The traditional headstone — a vertical slab set at the head of the grave. Available in a wide range of sizes and shapes (rectangular, arched top, peaked top, custom). Typically granite or marble. Most visible and traditional. Some cemeteries prohibit upright stones in certain sections; always check cemetery rules before ordering.
Flat grave markers
Flush with the ground, often required in certain sections of cemeteries (particularly for ease of lawn maintenance). Less visible than upright markers, but can be equally meaningful in design. Available in granite, marble, and bronze.
Slant markers
A compromise between upright and flat — angled at roughly 45 degrees from the ground. More visible than flat markers, typically less expensive than full upright stones.
Bronze plaques
Often mounted on a granite base or set flat. Durable and weather-resistant. Common in military cemeteries and veterans' sections. The VA provides bronze markers for eligible veterans at no cost.
Companion stones
A wider stone designed to eventually memorialize two people — typically a married couple. One side may be completed now; the other is finished when the second person dies. Many couples choose to pre-plan companion stones together.
Materials
Granite
The most common material for modern headstones. Extremely durable, weather-resistant, and available in a wide range of colors — from classic gray to black, pink, red, green, and blue. Takes detailed carving and engraving well. A granite headstone installed properly can last centuries.
Marble
The traditional choice for centuries, with a softer, more luminous appearance than granite. Beautiful but less weather-resistant over time — marble is somewhat porous and can erode in harsh climates, causing inscriptions to become less legible over generations. Often chosen for its classic appearance and associations.
Bronze
Durable and develops a distinctive patina over time. Typically set into a granite base. Common for veteran markers. Requires some maintenance to prevent excessive oxidation if a specific appearance is desired.
Choosing a Design
Headstone design is a deeply personal decision. Elements to consider:
- Shape: Standard rectangular, arched, peaked, custom silhouette, cross, or other religious symbol
- Color: Granite comes in many colors — the choice is aesthetic preference and sometimes tied to family or cultural traditions
- Images and artwork: Many monuments include etched portraits, symbols (a cross, Star of David, military insignia, a meaningful image), or decorative elements. Photo etching — a laser-etched portrait — has become increasingly popular
- Finish: Polished (smooth and reflective), honed (matte), or textured surfaces on different parts of the stone
- Size: Check cemetery regulations — most cemeteries have size requirements for markers in each section
The Inscription
The inscription — name, dates, and any other words — is the most permanent text many people will ever write. Common elements:
- Full name (as the person was known, not necessarily legal name only)
- Birth date and death date
- Relationship inscription: "Beloved husband and father," "In loving memory"
- A meaningful quote, verse, or phrase
- Religious symbols or verses if appropriate
Some families choose inscriptions that capture something essential about the person in a few words. Take time with the inscription — once carved, it's permanent. Draft it, live with it for a few days, and share it with people who knew the person before finalizing.
The Process of Ordering
- Check cemetery requirements first. Before ordering anything, get the cemetery's specifications: maximum dimensions, allowed materials, required installation process, and whether they accept outside monument vendors.
- Choose a monument dealer. You can purchase through the funeral home, a local monument company, or an online retailer. Compare prices; funeral homes typically mark up monuments significantly.
- Review a proof. Reputable dealers provide a digital proof showing the exact design, inscription, and layout before production begins. Review it carefully for spelling, dates, and design elements.
- Confirm installation arrangements. Many dealers coordinate delivery and installation; some require you to arrange installation separately with the cemetery.
- Allow adequate lead time. Standard production is 4–8 weeks; complex stones or busy periods may take longer.
Veterans: Free Headstones and Markers
The Department of Veterans Affairs provides headstones and markers at no cost for eligible veterans. This includes upright granite or marble markers, flat granite or marble markers, and bronze medallions. Apply through the VA's National Cemetery Scheduling Office or online at va.gov. Processing typically takes 60–90 days. See our guide on veteran funeral benefits for more.