Losing a parent is one of the most profound losses a person can experience. And in the middle of grief, you're asked to find words that honor an entire life. That's a lot to ask.
This guide walks you through writing an obituary for your mother or father — what to include, how to structure it, what to say when you're not sure what to say, and real examples you can adapt.
Start With the Facts (Then Add the Person)
Every obituary begins with the basic facts: name, age, date of death, and city. But those facts alone don't capture a person. The job of the rest of the obituary is to put your parent back in the room — to make people who loved them remember exactly who they were.
A good framework for a parent's obituary:
- Opening line — Full name, age, city, and date of passing
- Background — Where they were born, where they grew up, education, faith
- Career and community — What they did for work, organizations they belonged to
- Who they were — Personality, passions, what they were known for — this is the most important part
- Family — Survivors and those who preceded them in death
- Service information
Sample Phrases for a Mother's Obituary
Adapt these to fit your mother:
- "She was the kind of mother who remembered every detail of her children's lives — even the details they tried to forget."
- "She could make anyone feel at home at her kitchen table."
- "She was a devoted mother and a fierce grandmother who never missed a birthday or a baseball game."
- "She had a laugh that filled whatever room she was in."
- "She gave generously of her time, her cooking, and her unsolicited opinions — all of which were better than she knew."
- "She spent 30 years as a nurse and brought that same patience and care home every evening."
- "She had strong opinions, a warm heart, and no patience for pretense."
Sample Phrases for a Father's Obituary
- "He was a man of his word. If he said he would be there, he was there."
- "He didn't say much, but what he said mattered."
- "He coached Little League for eleven seasons, not because he loved baseball, but because his kids did."
- "He worked hard his entire life and never once made his family feel the weight of it."
- "He was the kind of dad who showed up. For everything."
- "He spent 30 years building homes, and then he spent every weekend building memories in ours."
- "He was stubborn and kind in roughly equal measure, and his family loved him for both."
Full Example: A Mother's Obituary
Patricia "Pat" Ann Brennan, 74, of Portland, Oregon, passed away peacefully on June 2, surrounded by her children. She was born February 18, 1952, in Duluth, Minnesota, the second of five children.
Pat grew up in Duluth, attended the University of Minnesota, and moved to Portland in 1976, where she would spend the rest of her life. She worked as an elementary school librarian for 28 years and was known for her ability to match any child with the perfect book. She was an avid reader, a determined gardener, and an enthusiastic — if self-declared "creative" — cook.
She was a devoted wife to her husband of 46 years, Robert, and a steadfast mother to her three children. Her grandchildren adored her, and she adored them back with a completeness that was something to witness. She remembered every birthday, attended every recital, and had an opinion about everything — delivered with warmth and humor.
She is survived by her husband Robert; her children Daniel (Kristin) Brennan, Susan Brennan Ortega (Carlos), and Michael Brennan; and seven grandchildren. She was preceded in death by her parents and her brother, Thomas Garrity.
A celebration of Pat's life will be held Saturday, June 10, at 2pm at Trinity Lutheran Church, 500 Oak Street, Portland. The family invites her former students, colleagues, and readers to join them. In lieu of flowers, donations to the Portland Public Library Foundation are gratefully accepted.
Full Example: A Father's Obituary
James "Jim" Robert Chen, 79, of Cincinnati, passed away on June 3 after a brief illness. He was born July 4, 1947, in San Francisco, California, and served in the United States Army from 1966 to 1969.
Jim returned from his service and earned a degree in civil engineering from the University of Cincinnati, where he also met his wife Carolyn. He spent 34 years as a structural engineer at Midland & Associates and served on the Cincinnati City Planning Commission for 12 years. He was a man of tremendous integrity who was trusted by everyone who worked with him.
Outside of work, he coached youth soccer for a decade, was an avid golfer (with a handicap he was always about to improve), and made an annual Christmas Eve chili that was the subject of significant family debate about the recipe. He loved his children unconditionally and showed it quietly and consistently for their entire lives.
He is survived by his wife Carolyn of 50 years; his children Andrew (Melissa) and Christine; and four grandchildren. A private family service will be held, followed by a celebration of life on June 14 open to all who knew him.
What If You're Struggling to Find the Words?
That's normal. Writing about someone you loved, under deadline, while grieving, is genuinely hard. A few approaches that help:
- Ask other family members for one specific detail. The thing they'll always remember, the phrase your parent always said, the story that captures who they were. Specifics are everything.
- Look at photos. Photos trigger memories that words can't always reach directly.
- Use the AI Writing Studio. FinalKeepSake's AI Writing Studio can generate a personalized first draft from information about your parent's life — you edit and personalize it from there.
For a complete overview of the obituary writing process, see our full obituary guide. For real examples you can study, see our obituary examples page.