Obituary Writing Tips: How to Write One That Actually Honors a Life

Most obituaries read alike — a name, some dates, a list of survivors, and a paragraph of adjectives that could describe almost anyone. The obituaries that people actually remember, share, and save are different: they're specific. They make the person real. Here's how to write one like that.

Start With One True Thing

The most powerful thing you can do in an obituary is to say one specific, true thing about the person that couldn't be said about anyone else. Not "she was kind" — but the particular way she was kind. Not "he loved fishing" — but the specific story about him and the trout. Start there, and build outward.

The Two Versions You May Need

If you're publishing in a newspaper, the cost-per-word reality often requires a shorter version — 150–250 words for print. But for the funeral home website, a memorial program, or a service like Legacy.com, there's more room. Write the longer version first (400–800 words), then create a condensed version for print by keeping only the most essential and distinctive details.

Elements of a Strong Obituary

The opening — who were they?

Skip "It is with deep sadness that we announce..." and start with the person. A quality, a story, an image that captures who they were. This is the hook that makes someone want to read the rest.

The biographical arc

Birth date and place, formative experiences, education, career, significant life events. Keep this factual and specific — avoid vague phrases like "lived a full life."

What they loved

Passions, hobbies, habits, the things they talked about with their eyes lit up. This is often the most memorable part of an obituary — and the most commonly omitted. A person who loved woodworking, who grew the best tomatoes on the block, who could name every player on the 1967 Cardinals — these details make them real.

Their people

Survived by: list spouse, children (with spouses), grandchildren, siblings. Predeceased by: parents, siblings, others who died before them. Use full names — this matters for people searching genealogy records years from now.

Service details

Date, time, location of services. Whether visitors are welcome. Preferred memorial contribution if desired.

A Note on Difficult Truths

Families sometimes wrestle with whether to mention a cause of death that involves stigma — addiction, suicide, mental illness. There is no universal answer. What is true: obituaries that acknowledge difficult truths with dignity often provide relief to others facing similar losses, and can reduce the shame that surrounds these causes of death. "He struggled with addiction for many years and died from its effects" honors both the struggle and the person. The decision belongs to the family.

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Frequently Asked Questions

What information is typically included in an obituary?

A traditional obituary typically includes: the person's full name and any nicknames or the name they were known by; age and date of birth; date and place of death; place of birth and hometown or places lived; education and degrees; career and professional life; military service (if any); religious affiliation (if desired); marriage and family: survived by (spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings, with names); predeceased by (parents, siblings, spouse, children who predeceased); and the memorial service details (date, time, location, whether public or private). Beyond these basics, the most meaningful obituaries also include: what the person was passionate about, how they spent their time, specific things they loved, how they made people feel, the role they played in their family and community, and something that only someone who knew them would know — a detail that makes the person real rather than a list of biographical facts.

How long should an obituary be?

Obituary length varies based on where it will be published. For newspaper print obituaries: newspapers typically charge by the word or line, and costs can be significant — a 300-word obituary in a large daily newspaper can cost $200–$500 or more. Many families write a shorter version for the newspaper (150–250 words) and a longer version for the funeral home website or memorial service program. For online obituaries on funeral home websites or platforms like Legacy.com: length is less constrained, and longer is often appropriate — 400–800 words lets you say something real. For a memorial service program: a brief 100–150 word bio is standard. The most important consideration is not length but specificity — a 150-word obituary that says one true, particular thing about the person is more valuable than a 600-word recitation of biographical facts. When writing for the newspaper, every word counts — choose the details that are most distinctively true of this person.

What should you avoid when writing an obituary?

Common obituary pitfalls: (1) Clichés — "passed away peacefully," "touched everyone they met," "never met a stranger," "lived life to the fullest" — these phrases are used in so many obituaries that they've lost meaning. Replace them with specific truths. Instead of "never met a stranger," write "could start a conversation in any elevator and somehow end up knowing the person's mother's maiden name by the lobby." (2) Generic trait lists — "She was loving, kind, generous, and hardworking" means almost nothing without evidence. Pick the most distinctive quality and show it with a story or detail. (3) Missing the person's voice — the obituary should sound like the family talking about someone they loved, not a form being filled out. (4) Omitting anything "controversial" — some families omit mental illness, addiction, a complicated relationship, or other truths in the name of respect. This is understandable, but the result is often a portrait no one recognizes. Dignity and specificity are not opposites. (5) Forgetting to mention what brought the person joy — hobbies, passions, the things that made their eyes light up — these are often more revealing of who someone was than any professional accomplishment.