Your will handles the legal distribution of your assets. But there's a great deal that a will doesn't cover — the practical information your family needs immediately, the personal preferences that matter to you, and the things you simply want them to know. A last wishes letter is where all of that lives.
What a Last Wishes Letter Is (and Isn't)
A last wishes letter — also called a letter of instruction, a personal directive, or a letter of final wishes — is an informal document you write to guide your family after your death. It's not a legal document. It doesn't replace your will, your advance directive, or your power of attorney. It isn't filed with a court or notarized.
What it is: the most practical, personal document in your estate plan. The one your family will reach for first, in those urgent early hours and days, looking for guidance on what you wanted and where to find what they need.
What to Include
Funeral and memorial wishes
Your will is often not read until after the funeral — which means your will is the wrong place to put your funeral preferences. Your last wishes letter is the right place. Cover:
- Burial or cremation preference
- If burial: where (specific cemetery or general preference), type of casket, grave marker wishes
- If cremation: what to do with the remains (scatter, keep, bury, divide among family)
- Type of service: religious or secular, formal or casual, public or private, a specific type of celebration
- Location preference for any service
- Who you'd like to officiate
- Music: specific songs, hymns, or types of music you want played
- Readings: specific poems, scripture, or texts you want read
- Who you'd like to speak or give a eulogy
- Clothing preference (if relevant)
- Flowers vs. donations in lieu of flowers, and if donations, where
- Reception preferences
- Anything you specifically do not want
Where to find important documents
Your family will need to locate a number of documents immediately after your death. Tell them exactly where to find:
- Your will and/or trust (original signed copy and attorney contact)
- Advance directive and healthcare documents
- Life insurance policies (company, policy number, contact)
- Financial account information (bank, investment, retirement accounts — institution and account numbers)
- Real estate deeds
- Vehicle titles
- Birth certificate, Social Security card, passport
- Marriage certificate
- Military discharge papers (DD-214) if applicable
- Tax returns for the past few years
Account access and digital information
- Where your passwords are stored (password manager, safe, etc.)
- Email accounts and how to access them
- Online banking login information or where to find it
- Social media accounts and your wishes for each (close, memorialize, delete)
- Any subscriptions that need to be cancelled
- See our guide on creating a digital assets inventory for a thorough approach
Financial obligations
- Regular bills and automatic payments (mortgage/rent, utilities, insurance)
- Outstanding loans or debts
- Anyone who owes you money
- Any financial obligations your family needs to know about immediately
Pets
- Who should care for your pets
- Veterinarian contact and medical information
- Care instructions
- Financial provisions made for their care
Personal property instructions
- Specific items you want specific people to have (supplementing what's in your will)
- Family heirlooms and their history
- Sentimental items that may not have been addressed in the will
Personal messages
This is the part that will mean the most to your family. A letter of final wishes can include personal notes to people you love — or refer them to separate letters you've written to each of them. A paragraph to each of your children. Something you want your spouse to know. A message for grandchildren not yet born.
This is where legal documents can't go. It's where your voice lives.
Tone and Approach
Write the practical sections clearly and specifically — your family needs actionable information, not generalities. For the personal sections, write the way you'd write a letter to someone you love. Both parts matter; they're just doing different things.
Don't worry about covering everything perfectly. A complete-enough letter written today is worth far more than a perfect letter never written.
Keeping It Current
A last wishes letter becomes outdated as your life changes — you move, you acquire new accounts, your preferences evolve, people named in the letter predecease you. Review it at least every few years, and whenever a major life change occurs. Date the document so your family knows how current it is.