What does "in lieu of flowers" mean in an obituary?

"In lieu of flowers" is a phrase used in obituaries to indicate that the family prefers charitable donations over flowers as an expression of sympathy. It means: instead of sending flowers (which are beautiful but temporary), please consider making a donation to the named organization in memory of the deceased. This is not a strict prohibition on sending flowers — families who say "in lieu of flowers" will generally still appreciate them — but it signals that donations to the named cause are more meaningful to them. The phrase is often used when the deceased had a cause they cared about, or when the family feels that donations will create a more lasting tribute.

How do you make a memorial donation?

Most charitable organizations accept memorial donations directly on their website. Look for a "Donate" button and, in the donation form, look for an option to dedicate the gift "in memory of" someone — enter the name of the deceased. Many organizations will then send a card or notification to the family acknowledging the donation, without disclosing the amount. If you can't find a memorial donation option online, you can call the organization and make the gift by phone, specifying that it's a memorial donation in the name of the deceased.

Do you have to donate to the charity listed in the obituary?

No. "In lieu of flowers, donations to [organization]" is a suggestion, not a requirement. The family is indicating where they feel donations would be most meaningful. If you have a different cause that was meaningful to the deceased or to you, donating there is entirely appropriate. If you're unsure, donating to the named charity is the simplest choice — it clearly aligns with the family's stated wishes. There's no etiquette obligation here; any charitable giving in someone's memory is a meaningful act.

Should you tell the family when you make a memorial donation?

It's not required, but it's a thoughtful gesture. A brief note — a card, a text, or an email — saying "I made a donation to [organization] in [name]'s memory" lets the family know that you honored their loved one in this way. Most organizations also notify the family directly when a memorial donation is made, so they may hear about it regardless. Sending a note alongside the donation, or mentioning it in a condolence message, is never wrong.

Memorial Donations: Etiquette, How to Give, and What "In Lieu of Flowers" Means

Memorial donations have become one of the most common ways to honor someone who has died — meaningful, lasting, and directly connected to causes the person cared about. Here's everything you need to know about giving, receiving, and requesting memorial donations.

What "In Lieu of Flowers" Actually Means

The phrase appears in obituaries regularly: "In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to the American Cancer Society."

It means: we're suggesting that instead of sending floral arrangements (which the family appreciates but which are temporary and create some logistical burden), you consider making a charitable donation in memory of our loved one. The cause named is almost always one that was meaningful to the deceased or the family — where they were being treated, a cause they championed, an organization they supported.

It's not a prohibition. Families who request donations in lieu of flowers will generally still appreciate flowers. It's a signal about what will mean the most to them.

How to Make a Memorial Donation

Online (most common)

Go to the organization's website
Find the "Donate" button
In the donation form, look for an option to dedicate the gift "in memory of" or "in honor of" someone
Enter the name of the deceased and, if there's a notification option, the family's address or email so they receive acknowledgment
Complete your donation

Most major charities have this functionality built into their donation forms. If you don't see it, look for a notes or comments field and write "In memory of [name]."

By check

If you prefer to donate by check: make the check out to the organization, and include a note with the envelope: "This donation is made in memory of [full name]. Please notify the family at [mailing address]." Many organizations will send an acknowledgment card to the family.

By phone

Call the organization's donation line and specify that it's a memorial donation in the name of the deceased. They can note it and arrange family notification.

How Much Should You Give?

There's no required amount. Memorial donations are typically in the range of $25–$100 for acquaintances and colleagues, and more for close family and friends — but these are rough norms, not rules. Give what feels appropriate for your relationship with the family and within your means. Charities of all sizes are grateful for donations at any level.

Does the Family Know Who Donated?

Most organizations send a notification card to the family when a memorial donation is made, acknowledging the gift without disclosing the amount. This gives the family a record of who honored their loved one in this way and makes acknowledgment easier. You may also want to send a note directly to the family — a card or brief message saying you made a donation in their loved one's memory is a kind gesture, especially if you're not attending services.

Requesting Memorial Donations When You're Planning

If you're arranging an obituary or death notice and want to request donations, the standard phrasing is:

"In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to [Organization Name] at [website or address]."

Or more personally: "In memory of [Name], the family asks that gifts be made to [Organization Name], a cause she cared about deeply."

Choosing the right organization

Choose an organization that was genuinely meaningful to the deceased:

The hospital or hospice that provided care
A disease research or support organization related to their condition
A cause they championed or volunteered for during their lifetime
A scholarship fund in their name (some families establish one)
A local organization meaningful to their community

How to thank donors

If your family receives memorial donations, a brief written thank-you is appropriate — it acknowledges the gift and means a great deal to donors who may have never met the deceased. Many funeral homes provide thank-you note templates; organizations also typically provide a list of donors. A personal note, even a short one, is always appreciated. Standard timing is within a few weeks of the service, though people understand that this is a difficult time and grace periods are generous.

Memorial Funds and Scholarship Funds

Some families establish a dedicated memorial fund or scholarship in the deceased's name, either as a named fund at an existing organization or as a separate entity. This creates a lasting tribute and a specific giving destination. Many community foundations and universities can help families set up named scholarship funds for a relatively low minimum contribution.